By Jay Holland – Student and Family Ministries Pastor
Ever walked away from your small group wondering,
“Did I talk too much?”
You’re not alone. As leaders, we care deeply about Scripture and want students to understand it. But sometimes, in our passion to teach, we accidentally dominate what should be a conversation.
That’s where the 70/30 Rule comes in — a simple, powerful principle to guide your small group leadership:
Students should do 70% of the talking. You should do 30%.
Let’s unpack how this rule can transform your group time.
1. Students Should Talk 70%, You Talk 30%
Here’s the truth: Students don’t need another sermon.
They just sat through one.
What they need now is space to:
- Process what they heard
- Wrestle with truth
- Express questions and insights
- Apply it to their lives
Your role is not to reteach the message — it’s to shepherd the conversation.
Think of yourself as a guide:
- Set the direction
- Ask the right questions
- Keep the group focused and safe
But let them do the thinking, the talking, and the discovery.
That’s where transformation begins.
2. Lead, Don’t Lecture — But Don’t Disappear Either
Small group leadership is active — but it’s not the same as dominating.
What that means:
- Don’t hijack the group with your personal commentary
- Don’t tell stories that always circle back to you
- Don’t rush to fill silence too quickly
But also:
- Don’t check out or go passive
- Don’t sit back and hope students magically lead themselves
Great leaders steer the conversation without stealing it.
Create a space where truth can land and students feel safe enough to share honestly.
When you sense the group drifting or going shallow, gently redirect with a thoughtful follow-up or a well-placed Scripture reference.
3. Listen Deeply — to What’s Said and Who’s Speaking
Good group leadership requires good ears.
Two types of listening matter here:
Listen to what they’re saying:
- Are they understanding the message?
- Are they misapplying something?
- Do they need encouragement, correction, or clarification?
Be present enough to respond meaningfully, not just move to the next question.
Listen to who is speaking:
- Is the same 1–2 students dominating the group?
- Are quiet students consistently overlooked?
- Is anyone withdrawing, zoning out, or hiding behind jokes?
Leadership means noticing voices — both the loud and the silent.
Your goal is a group where everyone has a voice, not just a few confident talkers.
Bonus Tip: Get Them Talking Early
Want to jumpstart a conversation that isn’t stuck in “Sunday School answers”?
Try opening with these:
- “What stood out to you most from the message?”
- “Was there anything that encouraged or challenged you?”
These questions are broad enough for anyone to answer but personal enough to invite real thought.
They tell students: This isn’t a test. We want to know what’s really going on inside.
Final Thoughts: Lead with Less, Listen with More
You don’t need to be the smartest voice in the room.
You don’t need to fill every gap with wisdom.
What your students need most is space — space to think, wrestle, and respond.
So talk enough to lead.
Stay quiet enough to listen.
Guide the room with humility and intentionality.
It’s a conversation, not a classroom. And when you lead it well, discipleship happens.
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Find more small group training at www.youthministry.coach
