By Jay Holland – Student and Family Ministries Pastor
Whether you’ve got a group that’s always quiet, or your usually chatty crew is suddenly flat — let’s talk about how to respond well and keep your group healthy.
1. Don’t Panic — It’s Normal
Especially early in the year — or with younger or newer students — quiet moments are totally normal. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed, and it doesn’t necessarily mean your students aren’t listening.
Silence doesn’t equal apathy. Sometimes it just means students aren’t comfortable yet, or they’re still learning how to express what they’re thinking spiritually.
Be patient. Consistency and kindness will build safety — and safety builds conversation.
2. Ask Better Questions
Sometimes the issue isn’t the group — it’s the question.
Avoid yes/no or “Jesus” answer questions. Instead, try open-ended prompts like:
- “What stood out to you?”
- “Was anything confusing or convicting?”
- “Have you ever experienced something like that?”
- “How would you explain this passage to a friend?”
If someone gives a one-word answer, don’t just move on — follow up with: “Can you say more about that?” or “Why do you think that’s important?”
Remember, your questions are tools to open hearts, not just check boxes.
3. Wait Out the Silence
Here’s a pro move: ask your question — then wait.
Seriously, give it 5–10 seconds or more. That feels awkward to you, but it might be just what your students need to think, formulate a response, and gather the courage to speak.
Don’t rush to fill the silence. Let the pause be a gift.
4. Lower the Bar for Participation
If your group is stuck, make it easier to engage. Try:
- Breaking into pairs to discuss a question before sharing with the group.
- Using scales: “On a scale of 1–10, how connected to God have you felt this week?”
- Letting students vote by raising hands or giving thumbs up/down on a statement.
Small, low-pressure interactions build confidence for deeper ones later.
5. Affirm Every Attempt
When someone does speak up — affirm them! Even if their answer isn’t “perfect,” thank them for engaging.
Say things like:
- “That’s a great thought.”
- “Thanks for being honest.”
- “I appreciate you sharing that.”
This builds trust and encourages others to risk sharing too.
Bonus: What If a Normally Talkative Group Goes Flat?
Sometimes your group is normally engaged — but tonight they’re just off.
First, pause and consider: is something else going on?
- Try asking: “Is there anything going on that we need to talk about tonight — even if it’s not part of the lesson?”
- You might be surprised what comes out when you give students permission to go off-script.
It’s okay if you don’t make it through your planned questions. The real win is helping your students open up, process, and grow. Some of your best group nights won’t follow the script at all — and that’s okay.
Final Encouragement:
Don’t judge the health of your group by how much noise they make.
Judge it by how safe and seen they feel.
Over time, even the quietest group can become a space for deep conversation — if you stay consistent, ask great questions, and give them room to grow.
Closing Challenge
This week, lead with patience — not panic.
If your group goes quiet, don’t rush, don’t force, and don’t give up.
Ask better questions. Give more space. And be ready to pivot if the group needs something different that night.
Sometimes discipleship looks like listening, not leading.
I’m Jay Holland — and this has been your 5 Minute Youth Ministry Coach. Remember, in addition to Apple Podcast, Spotify, and YouTube, you can find each of these episodes at www.youthministry.coach, where you’ll also find them in blog form if you prefer reading over listening.
Have a great day — and I’ll talk to you soon.
